House of Sin
06/04/2021 - 20/04/2021
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By Sara Pakdel-Cherry
_sarapakdelart​_
As a child, I was taught to be modest and ladylike. Not just in my way of speech,
but in general, as a female.
I was taught what is shameful and what is humiliating. I was taught what is
disrespectful before I reached puberty and what is taboo in our family, culture and
in our world. I was taught all of this before I knew what sexual desires feel like
and what hormones can do to you, but most of all before I knew the boys had a role
to play in it all.
For the longest time I could not understand why I was told to restrict myself in a
land of freedom and in an open-minded society of the West. During several visits
back to my homeland, Iran, at different ages I started to connect the dots. I have
seen with my own eyes the great gender imbalance that resides in the whole nation.
I only then knew what my mother was whispering to me as a young girl. It was for
the today. An upbringing of their offspring that would ensure them nothing but
respect in the community.
Setting in motion a restricted and emotionally damaging childhood. In teenage
years I suffered alone in the silence of this culture I was cultivated into obeying. I
could not afford ruining the reputation of my family, but mostly that of my own as
I was terrified of the repercussions.
'worthless, not fit for purpose'
Poem, 2020
i knew you were lying.
you all do that. what do you do?
you tell me what I want to hear.
you tell my heart that it wants it.
my mind is no fool.
my mind advises me against you.
you charmed your way in...I still know this is a game.
what am I doing?
why am I still listening to you?
how can you hold my attention?
wait, why do you have my attention?
but I know this is for you and not for me.
you just want what I am saving.
leave her! leave her alone.
she’s mine, I don’t want to give it up.
oh, but the way you make promises, I almost believe you.
maybe I believe you now.
he’s nice
he’s funny
and kind? - y’know? I asked a friend.
he didn’t bring me flowers but instead took mine with him.
like a trophy.
like an achievement.
he won the game of fooling me.
getting what I said I wasn’t going to do again.
how did I let a male use me...again?
he left.
no care.
no nothing.
his phone rang.
he got dressed, duty called.
i was a quick lunch break.
he said he’ll text me.
ha. yeah, that one.
i can’t move. i wish my bed would open up and swallow
me whole.
i waited on him.
i believed in his words.
now I was made to feel like a empty torn plastic bag.
worthless - not fit for purpose.
what is my purpose?
i’m so shameful.
i am so ashamed.
who will marry me once they find out about my past
sexual relations.
i’m going to get disowned if he speaks.
what then?
what now?
let’s take a bath.
what they say about water?
they said if you tell your worries and heartache to the
water, it will carry it down the stream, gone.
i want my sins to be washed away.
i want a chance at life.
a family
a husband
children.
all seems so impossible now.
he said he was different.
he said he loves me!
'PANTS!'
Bronze, 2020
In Iran underwear stores are hidden behind black curtains with only female access. An everyday item of clothing turned into a matter of shame if displayed out in the open. Hide ye pants. Casted in bronze, not only representing the robust nature of women but making my PANTS something of value to everyone.
'CONDOM'
Bronze, 2020
Condoms are not advertised or accessible to youth or found in public bathrooms in Iran. Sold in pharmacies and stored on a hidden shelf. Women are made to feel embarrassed and ashamed if they wanted to make the purchased. Men only provide this protection if they wanted to.
A condom casted in bronze is funny and weird but it’s important. In a world of gender imbalance with the bronze you cannot get rid of the evidence.
'House of Sin'
Installation, 2020